Chatper 5: Unstable roommate
Collective defense seems like the way to go. I was lying in my bed, slowly drifting to sleep.
It pleased me that the others wanted to participate in our shared storage. Generally, I mostly focused on myself. I wanted to be strong enough on my own, to be able to defend myself from anyone who got a drop on me. Though, who knew if that was even possible. The way Ferdinand had talked about the limits in one’s schtappe, I might never reach such strength.
I didn’t know where the ceiling for compression and divine protections was, but I was terrified of reaching it at any moment. It was like waiting for some inevitable sickness.
I dreamed of a desolate brown plain, which seemed to sprawl forever. It was freezing, but I didn’t feel cold, only marching forward and listening to the cracking of the frozen mud.
After countless steps, I looked behind my back, but there was nothing—not even my footprints. I continued forward as it began snowing. The plain was unchanging. It felt as if I was not moving at all…
I turned behind. There was nothing.
My journey continued for a long time. It was hard to ascertain that, as there were no geographic features around. Eventually, I came across a body in the ground. A young woman with gray hair, partly submerged in the mud. Is that Gretia?
I couldn’t see her face, as it was already below the surface, but I had a feeling it was her. I wanted to turn around, but I was stuck. As much as I tried, I couldn’t move that way. I need to turn around! I need to TURN AROUND!!! TU…rn around.
I screamed, and finally managed to spin, jumping from my bed towards a shadowy figure. It receded, which was relieving. It must have been just a sleep paralysis hallucination. I merely needed to chase it until it would vanish. However, after a few steps, the figure became more clear, rather than vanishing. It was leaning from behind a divider, holding a knife.
I stopped, blinking frantically to make the presence disappear, but it was still there, not moving.
“Diana?” I uttered in confusion.
By then, my vision had finally adjusted. She wasn’t holding a knife but a thin rod. It looked like a mana measuring tool. More importantly, Diana wasn’t responding. She was still frozen, watching me with wide eyes.
“What happened?” Gretia’s sleepy voice sounded behind her. “Lady Mila, was that scream…” She froze beside the divider, just like her attendant.
Her confused look made me glance behind my back, whether there was something weird, but only my bed.
“Ehm, Mila, could you put the knife away?” Gretia finally spoke up.
“Oh.” I noticed what I was holding and immediately made it disappear. “I am so sorry.” My hands clasped. “Diana, I apologize for startling you like that.”
She finally managed to move, giving me a weak smile. “My apologies for looking behind the divider. Naturally, I wouldn’t dare to step into your private space, I merely…”
“Is there an emergency?” Caroline’s voice sounded from the door.
Nooo! I don’t want more witnesses to my outburst! “I’m sorry, only a nightmare,” I replied with a sigh. “And I might have used a knife a little,” I added with a quieter voice.
“You what?! Lady Gretia, Diana, my sincere apologies on behalf of my lady,” Caroline hopped on our never-ending train of apologies.
“Oh, there is no need, I was sleeping and came only after,” Gretia replied awkwardly.
Diana nodded along with a tense expression; her unease was warranted. She hadn’t technically stepped into my personal space, only leaned in from behind a corner, but naturally that was kind of a breach of etiquette too. Sure, during the day it didn’t matter much, as both attendants took care of the whole room together, but approaching someone during their sleep without permission was a sensitive matter.
Still, she didn’t deserve to get traumatized by me rushing at her with a knife in the middle of the night. Sorry again.
“I was trying to ascertain whether a magic tool in this corner was leaking mana,” Diana divulged.
“Wouldn’t it be better to conduct such a search during the day?” Caroline raised her eyebrow.
“I did that on multiple occasions. But there was nothing,” Diana replied tensely.
It must have sucked to be the lowest status in the room. Her voice sounded like she had a genuine reason for disregarding the rules, but it was hard to argue against those above.
However, despite her expression, she continued, “I was concerned about Lady Gretia’s sleep problems. At first, I thought it was because of stress, but then you began giving each other Schlaftraum’s blessing, which seemed to solve it, only for the problem to return again more erratically.” Diana looked my way. “When you left, I feared it would get worse, as I am not qualified to give such a blessing, but Lady Gretia had no problems at all. Only when you returned.”
Oh. That was pretty damning for me.
“I suspected one of your tools, as you had produced so many novel designs. If they emit mana to the environment, it might get slightly irritating. Babies are especially sensitive to foreign mana and can end up having long sleepless nights, but the irritation might affect even the adults. Though, I didn’t want to make any baseless accusations.” Diana gave me another weak smile.
“It wouldn’t have been a problem. Please, if you ever think any of my tools is problematic you can tell me without any issue. I do not mind double-checking my designs.” I made an inviting gesture with my hands towards my bed. “Did you measure anything?”
Almost all of my prototypes were in my hidden room though. I couldn’t even recall any such tool being near my bed. There were only the regular tools used by my attendant.
“Yes, before you woke up. But nothing now,” Diana replied with a stone face.
“Wait, what kind of tool would just…” My eyes widened.
Did I leak mana in my bed?! My cheeks were suddenly too hot from embarrassment.
The worst of all, everyone seemed to realize the exact same thing, as they began looking sideways.
No, no, no! This is a bad dream. Give me back a shadowy killer, call Pankracius to hunt me around the Dormitory, everything but this!
It was utterly humiliating to even think about it. I didn’t know what to say. This whole time, the nightmares about someone being in my vicinity must have been the result of me reflexively spreading my mana over the room and feeling Gretia’s presence nearby. Probably even attacking her as a foreign element.
The memory of offering her a healing prayer afterwards as some kind of charity on my part was just too much to bear.
“Well, regardless,” Caroline remarked with an unperturbed voice, “With us knowing, we can focus on solving the issue.”
I was really grateful that she was making it sound like something mundane, but even then, I couldn’t avoid the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment.
“I will be sleeping in my hidden room,” I proposed weakly.
“That is not solving the issue,” she chastised me. “Do you have any idea what might have caused this?”
“I mean, I do use a sphere of mana around myself to sense approaching attacks. Generally, I do not spread it here in the dormitory, or any public places, as I was told it could be sensed by laynobles who are more sensitive to lower amounts of mana. It’s just… it seems I lost control during sleep.” I lowered my head.
“Has something happened that might have caused you to feel unsafe during sleep?” Caroline wondered.
Besides calling Ferdinand by his step-mother’s name? “Well, I guess… I was almost strangled once during sleep.” I pressed my lips. “Also, one time, I was woken up after a sound-blocker was attached to my wrist, and then hunted down, without being able to make a sound… though, I began using the mana sphere around me after one of our attendants had distracted me so an enemy noble could sneak behind me and put a knife to my throat…” I mused out loud, with a finger on my chin.
For some reason, those things were piling up more than I expected. Even Eckhart’s attack was still fresh in my memory. When I refocused, everyone was staring at me with wide eyes.
“I see,” Caroline murmured. “There is no issue then.”
“No issue?” I furrowed my eyebrows.
“Yes, your reaction is completely normal. No issue on your part.” She gave me a thin smile. “In some duchies, they sleep in feystone armor—not because there is something wrong with them, but because of an unsafe environment. I can only hope that my work on your surroundings will, over time, lessen your anxiety.”
I was dumbfounded by that response. Not even “try better control?”
“But what about Gretia? It inconveniences her greatly,” I pointed out.
“I much prefer here, over my own bed at home.” She shrugged with a smile.
Though, being compared favorably to an abusive environment wasn’t really a comforting response.
Caroline sighed, frowning in deep thought. “I refused the hidden room as an excessive option, but… maybe we could use mana-blocking fabric… or, if you are feeling really unsafe, I can power a barrier over the night for you…”
“Wrap me in a bag, like a sensitive ingredient,” I tried to joke.
The barrier sounded nice, but I didn’t want to push on her any unnecessary mana requirements. The attendants powered more than enough tools in their daily jobs. I already have protective charms. That should be more than enough.
Caroline exhaled with a smirk. “You are skilled in brewing, are you not? Make an alarm tool which triggers whenever someone approaches your bed. Maybe then your body won’t feel desperate to do it on its own.”
“Caroline, you are a genius,” I exclaimed.
A simple trigger by foreign mana presence would not require much to power, unlike a barrier. I should have deployed such stuff a long time ago. Well, I had gained most of my experience with complex tools during the last month and a half. So, more like a couple of weeks ago?
“But please, if you can, build in exceptions for me, Lady Gretia and Diana. I want to avoid further accidental shocks that might worsen your condition,” Caroline added with a weary smile.
I nodded hastily before looking at Diana. “I hope I didn’t cause a condition for you.”
“It was frightening.” She smiled weakly. “However, listening to your recollection, I, too, understand why it happened. I will definitely avoid your private space during the night.”
I could only nod with a guilty look. It was unfair towards her, as she had actually tried to help Gretia. I sighed once again.
“Well, I approached your bed countless times, without any issue.” Caroline tried to sound positive.
She most likely wanted to cheer me up. At this point, I was willing to take all the encouragement I could get. And it was true—I had never jumped at her over the months she had served me. So, it was at least something.
“Now, then.” Caroline clapped. “Everyone should go to sleep. I will stay beside Lady Mila’s bed with the mana measuring tool.” She turned my way. “For now, you don’t have to worry about this. Rest well. Your mind needs to be fresh for tomorrow’s socializing.”
I wanted to argue that I could spend the time in the hidden room until those proposed precautions would be in place, but her look was quite firm.
In the end, I just nodded weakly, and went back to bed.
The morning atmosphere in our room was as awkward as one could expect. I didn’t want to leave my bed and face anyone, but alas, I couldn’t delay forever.
Despite being awake the whole night, Caroline continued in her service without any issue, routine after routine. She seemed quite fresh, though I still felt guilty about disturbing her rest. The only consolation prize for me was that she hadn’t detected any mana during my sleep. It’s at least something. I sighed internally.
When my eyes met with Gretia’s, she made a small nod with a supportive smile.
I hate this so much! I wanted to just bury myself.
It felt like my whole facade was slowly falling apart, with cracks growing everywhere. What more training was up there, what more could I do to keep me proper?
I shook my head firmly. Complaining wouldn’t help with anything.
I pushed all my doubts away and began preparing for the day.